Lighten Up!

Even highly-trained medical professionals sometimes get in a hurry whenfiling their reports. The results: The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately. The skin was moist and dry. The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. Patient was alert and unresponsive. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room. The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week. She is numb from her toes down.

AND FINALLY

An Australian nudist found what he thought was a deadly funnel web spider's hole, and he decided to deal with it, according to an April 3 Reuters story. So the 56-year-old man poured gasoline down the hole, then lit a match to try to kill the "offending arachnid." When the gas fumes exploded, the man was left with burns over 18 percent of his body, primarily the upper leg and buttocks area, according to medical technicians who treated him. Medical officials said the man's "lack of clothing probably contributed to the extent of his burns."